What a difference a year makes eh? Especially when that year contains more dramatic turns that a series finale of Grey’s Anatomy. I’ve pretty much been through it all over the past 12 months, I’m not about to bore you with the details here. Those that were there at the time will probably shove their heads in their ovens if they hear about it one more time and those of you who weren’t will live a much longer, happier life not knowing.
Details of the year don’t matter, I’m fairly certain I’ve forgotten half of them myself anyway. Not as some kind of trauma coping, just because my memory’s shot to shit. What matters is the fact that I’ve learnt more in the past year than I have in all the other 23 years combined. More about myself, more about other people, more about what I expect from life, more about what I want from the people in my life, more about what I will tolerate, more about how to cope, more about how to make a meal out of some rice, some ketchup and 37p.
If you asked me to draw this year as a map, the twists, turns, dead ends and completely pointless u-turns would make it entirely impossible to read. Think Bowie’s Labyrinth. Actually no, just think London Underground (seriously, what is that?!). My map doesn’t end, it doesn’t go in the direction I ever thought it would, but where it does go is a million times better than any route I could have imagined this time last year.
I’ve started a new blog because the past few months have been entirely fresh starts and new things and for once I’m not terrified of that. I’m proud of it! There have been more times when I’ve wanted to give up, throw in the towel, go running home to my mum or lock myself in a tower where nobody will ever find me, I have wanted to do all of those things many, many times in the last year. But I didn’t. I dusted myself off. I carried on walking. I found a home. I finished my first year at uni. I kept my daughter alive for another year (SHOCKED). I learnt about who really belongs in my life. I learnt what I deserve.
Shit happens right? Sometimes all at once. But eventually you realise you’re just on a new route. Possibly one that’s a million times better.