I didn’t know whether to do this post or not, or really where I wanted to go with it. But I do know that the year just passed has held the most changes, the most hardships, and the most wonderful moments of any I can remember (except maybe when I was eight and Geri left the Spice Girls just after I got her bloody doll).
It’s impossible to get to the end of the year without looking back of the twelve months that have passed (thanks, Facebook) and it’s a strangely cathartic experience. You see photos of times that look great, that were great, but the faces you shared them with are no longer in your life and the true emotions and experiences surrounding them weren’t nearly as pretty as the filters make them look. I’ve been reminded of times when I really didn’t see reaching 2016 as a reality, as painful as it is to relive those times in your mind it’s also a wonderful feeling to know that you did make it through, just one night of drinking far too much left and you fucking did it!
I don’t want this to be a boasty ‘I smashed it this year’ post. Of course I am fucking proud of myself, as we all should be for dragging our arses through to suffer another Hootenanny. But that’s just one step up a fucking long staircase, January 1st isn’t the clean slate we like to imagine it is, the shit we’re carrying on December 31st comes with us. Because we’re human and of course it does. But the end of the year is a great marker, that’s where I was then, this is where I am now.
So for me, this blog is a thank you for so many people in my life, and for some who have long left.
For the people who dragged me kicking and screaming to where I am now.
For the people who knew when I needed them and knew when I didn’t.
For the people that supported me no matter how insane my choices.
For the people who were always honest, even if they felt brutal.
For the people who picked up the pieces when I didn’t know where to begin.
For the people who made me laugh until I cried.
For the people who let me cry until I laughed.
For the people who let me down, dismissed me, and left – you made me realise how fucking strong I am.
For the people accept me for exactly who I am.
For the people who fill my phone with good will and typos.
For the people who love me, even when I cry on the Tube.
For the people who are there all the time, not just when they need something.
For the people who just know what I’m saying, even when I don’t say it.
For the people who have seen me at my very worst and love me anyway.
I know 2016 will have its hardships, its pain, its loss, its tears. But I also know that it will have its wonderful moments, laughter, and memories that I’ll carry with me for life. I know this because if I’ve learnt nothing else this year I’ve learnt that even in the very darkest moments there’s the smallest glint of light and even if I can’t see it for myself I’m lucky enough to have a few superb people in my life who will help me find it.
Here’s to the New Year, it won’t include a New You – but you’re pretty fucking great already!