There have been some pretty big changes in my life over the past few months; I found a new nail salon, I realised I can’t drink gin anymore, oh and this guy kinda quit his rockstar lifestyle in London to move to Cornwall and live with me and my idiot child.
Obviously moving in with a partner is always going to involve some big changes, for me I had to learn to sleep on one side of the bed and occasionally wash up midweek. But for Matt, he not only had to put up with my insane demands, he also had to learn to cope with a tiny diva.
We’re not alone in this situation, but it’s also not one that I often see written about. So we had a quick chat (online, we’re in our twenties, we don’t talk in person) about how it feels to suddenly find yourself +2.
Before reading further I think it’s important to know that Matt wanted me to title this post ‘I Threw My Child At My Boyfriend And This Is What He Thinks About It’…
When you first decided to start flirting with me, very unsubtly, over Twitter did the fact I had a kid come into your mind? Like, did you have to think about that first?
No, I’m not sure I really thought about it. At that point you were just a sexy avatar who said words. Perhaps I may have acknowledged it, but then went back to finding funny GIFs to woo you with. I certainly did not imagine that less than a year later I would be wiping your child’s arse and cruising around town with a fucking unicorn air freshener in my car.
Neither did I!
When do you think you did realise that ‘fuck, there’s two of them’?
Honestly, I don’t think I ever did. Pretty much from the outset it was clear that I was getting two idiots for the price of one. My main concern was just ensuring that Ava was going to like me and proving to you that I was a) capable and b) genuine. It’s an odd one because there’s no half arsing a relationship when a child is involved. It’s all or nothing. But, it was clear to me very quickly that I was firmly in the ‘all’ camp.
Friends must have had something to say about it? I remember the influx of joke Father’s Day texts you got last year, were your mates a bit worried about your sanity?
I’m fairly confident that a lot of people had probably written off the idea of me successfully transitioning from London-based booze-machine to full-time parent by the sea. But most people have only ever seen one side of me. I can probably count on one hand all the people in my life who know who the real me with all my issues and insecurities and to them there was no doubt that I’d be in my element.
I think I doubted and questioned it more than you did. I kind of expected you to run away scared when the reality of a child kicked in. That’s more of a reflection of the way that I think than anything about you though. Once I knew you, and saw you with Ava and how you really gave us your all, I didn’t doubt for a second that you were all in.
Team Idiot 4 lyfe.
Have your priorities completely shifted now? Obviously your career is still important (mama needs her prosecco) but do you feel like things are different? I know personally the idea of career success is different for me since having a child.
Firstly can we just take a minute to reflect on ‘mama needs her prosecco’. You nutter. (It ain’t easy being gangsta.) Ok, so my priorities have definitely shifted, but it’s difficult to pinpoint exactly how. I’m still as ambitious and career driven as I was, but I’m now just approaching it in a different way. Perhaps it’s less about my priorities changing and more adapting to fit the situation I’m in. There’s still a path to making my millions, but I just need to work smarter to get there. In fact, if anything I think I’m more driven than ever because I’m no longer working just to support myself. I want Ava to grow up comfortably and us not to have to worry about money / buy all the prosecco.
Do you think coming from a single-parent family, and having a step-dad in your life, made you see entering a family in a different way?
I could open up a SERIOUS can of worms here, but for the sake of the reader’s sanity, I’ll be brief…
What growing up in a single parent family taught me was that it sucks not to have a father figure you can rely on whenever you need, especially as a boy. For as long as I can remember, I’ve always latched onto my friends’ dads, tried to impress them or treated them as role models. And that sucks because I would get so jealous of their lives. So, I’ve taken becoming a father figure to Ava very seriously because she deserves it. In fact, it’s the only way I know how to be a father figure, because I’ve had to make it up as I go along with nothing to really draw from. The main thing is that I love it, and it really doesn’t matter how I was brought up because I made it this far and now I can throw everything into raising Ava.
Do you think you’ll ever have your nails painted with pink glitter without moaning?
I hope not. Especially if you do it while I’m ASLEEP. (Reader – this is something that’s happened)
One piece of advice that you’d give to a guy who’s starting to see somebody with a child? I’d say run, really fast. You?
Ah there’s so much… I could literally write a novel’s worth of advice here. But I think the main thing is to be totally honest with yourself and your partner. The situation you’re in is much bigger than just you now. That kid will analyse absolutely everything you do and say and will very quickly learn to depend on you. If you have any doubts about the relationship, get them out in the open as early as possible and really consider whether this is what you want. If it’s not, then move on. If however it is, then go for it. Head first. Because it’s awesome. You might have to wipe an arse that isn’t your own, you will become a climbing frame, you will hardly ever go to the pub and you’ll have to organise all social engagements with the lads months in advance, but trust me, it’s worth it.