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Cigarettes and Calpol

Attempting to make sense of parenthood, life, love, and my own mind.

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Mia

Mother to two Tiny Terrors Ball of anxiety, terrible girlfriend. I have a lot of opinions, they are always right. I swear too much and don't like dogs. Attempting to make sense of motherhood, stay semi-sane, and not completely fall apart.

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June 13, 2016
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Such a glorious night at @littlekitchenbristol last night! A night of cooking, eating, drinking beer, and not having to wash up? WINNING. If you come for dinner in the next 3 years this will be the menu being served, thank you and goodnight.
So proud of this glorious dickhead! His very first show, If You Love Me, This Might Hurt, opens tonight. Who knew he was more than just advent calendars, eh?! Having had a VERY drunk preview in my front room it’s going to be wonderfully painful. Can’t wait to see you and cry my make up off on Saturday @thatmattymay! Love you more than Amy 🖤😂
I didn’t want to get out of bed today. Life has felt like Groundhog Day recently. The same jobs, the same chores, the same tantrums. Parenting is one of the most thankless jobs, the more you’re there the more you’re the one they kick off for. You can understand that this is because they feel safe with you, but it doesn’t stop it hurting, that doesn’t stop your own emotions taking over and feeling rejected. That doesn’t stop it just being very fucking annoying! Today I would have stayed in bed if I could. Avoided the school run, avoided the tantrums (which as you can see from Fox’s puffy face, we’ve already had multiple), avoided having to figure out lunch and dinner and snacks in between, avoided dragging a toddler out of the food cupboards AGAIN. But life goes on, no matter how overwhelmed with the mundane you are. I can’t take the day off today. Because there’s nobody to cover if I have a sick day. I don’t have a positive end to this, but I’m about to make a vat of coffee and have some eggs. Which is better than a slap in the face 🤷🏼‍♀️ and at the end of the day, mundane isn’t always a bad thing. Mundane means that things are ok. There are a lot of people who would love to have things be ok.
It’s Monday. It’s cold, it’s grey, I’ve got a kid off school, did I mention it’s Monday?! Channeling some serious Carrie Fisher energy into my day (and 100% Deliverooing lunch).
This little man has been OBSESSED with @george_ezra since he was tiny (none of us have any idea who introduced him to him, it just kind of happened 🤷🏼‍♀️). He’s also annoyingly camera-shy, THRILLED to have finally captured this. And yes. My kitchen cupboard is chaos. Have a toddler who empties it fifteen times a day and see if you still give a shit.
Autumn is making me crave a table filled with food and wine, surrounded by friends. Who’s coming round? I’ll cook, you pour the wine. (Pictured is Cajun fish tacos, they’re incredible and the recipe’s on my blog)
Having one of those days looking back wistfully to when it all felt calm for a few minutes. It wasn’t perfect, but we had our shit together for a little while. Is it just rose tinted glasses or were things really better? It’s impossible to ever really know I guess. Maybe I’m just homesick. (This was 2015! What is time?!)
Why you so cute though?! (Even with paint up your nails. Yes I added this bit for fear of parental judgement what paranoid and terrified of criticism? Me?!)
Fuck wearing yellow. Fuck raising awareness. Fuck celebrities and politicians encouraging us to talk. We’re aware. We’re talking. But there’s no funds. There’s no treatments. There’s life-threateningly long waits for talking therapies. Meds are running out. There’s impossible hoops to jump through, post code lotteries to play, policies that will kill the poorest amongst us. They already are killing us. Fuck it. I’m tired. Fuck the Tories. Fund the NHS. #MentalHealthAwarenessDay
Me: I wish there were nicer photos of me. Also me: 📸 @justjevens, apparently! #GavinandAndrew

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