Christmas always messes with my mental health. There’s so much to do, so much pressure and expectation, so much insistence that you must. have. fun. It always sends me into a bit of a downward spiral. This year we’re hosting too so that’s a whole other level of stress.
This combined with the fact I’m still trying to get my brain straight post-natally isn’t the best combination, and honestly I’ve found myself in a pretty dark place.
Usually talking honestly online would help this, however the past few days on Instagram have been horrendous and have sent me further down that spiral. So I’m walking away for a bit, for my own sake.
Last night I had a couple of trolls pop up saying awful things about my children and telling me I should kill myself. I know it’s just boring, bored, ugly people with nothing better to do, but when you’re already struggling that makes everything much worse.
The pressure I feel to have to reply to every person, to only say things that won’t offend, to defend myself daily is getting way too much right now. Do I need to grow a thicker skin? Most definitely. It’s tissue paper thin right now.
I’m not a great person to be around at the moment; I’m snappy, I’m angry, I cry every other minute. That’s not a fun person to be and is having a really negative affect on my relationships.
I don’t want to be miserable, I don’t want to be sad, I don’t want to be stressed. I certainly don’t want to be doing that on a public forum. So I’m stepping away. I feel like I’m falling apart, and I need to make some changes to ensure I don’t. I’ve been here enough time to know the signs and to slow down.
I’ve already been told that a few people have taken this opportunity to hop online and slag me off, if that’s you then honestly I feel sorry for you. Please unfollow me, then when I’m feeling better you won’t have to look at anything of mine. Nobody has to like me, nobody has to follow me, that’s on you.
Most of us are mothers. Most of us are women. All of us are humans.
Why anybody would take pleasure in another clearly having a hard time is baffling to me and has sent me on a whole other spiral.
I don’t know how long I’ll be away from Instagram for, I’m not setting any rules.
This isn’t me flouncing away to try and get attention, this is me being honest about my mental health and recognising my limits. I’m going to spend some time with my family and regroup (and get my arse back on some meds after Christmas!).
Hope you all have a wonderful Christmas! Don’t forget the only acceptable breakfast is champagne.