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Cigarettes and Calpol

Attempting to make sense of parenthood, life, love, and my own mind.

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Pregnancy

I am BAD at pregnancy. Great at childbirth, crap at pregnancy.
This page mostly holds rants and whinges about pregnancy, vaguely hidden by bad humour.

Stretch Marks, Marketing and Self-hate.

Some of you might have the pleasure of watching me talk shite on Instagram stories on a regular basis, others of you might believe you have more important things to do with your lives (you’re wrong). Those of you that do may have seen my little rant about creams and oils aimed at pregnant bellies, and the negative marketing that they use. Well I’m still going on about it because, honestly, it really got me fired up.

Continue reading “Stretch Marks, Marketing and Self-hate.”

Celebrating Myself…

I am not good at celebrating myself. At all.

The idea of throwing a party in the name of me fills me with absolute dread. Because surely nobody else really gives a shit?!

Birthdays come down to ‘I’m going to this pub, come if you want, or don’t, whatever’ and I don’t think I could so much as dream of actually throwing a wedding and I definitely couldn’t have a hen.

Yet I love, love, love organising this stuff for other people! Give me half a chance to organise your hen party, birthday, or even just work’s leaving drinks and I will be snapping at you ankles like a Chihuahua on heat.

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The Gender Detectives

One of the most common questions you’ll get once you reach a certain stage of pregnancy (after they ask your due date) is ‘do you know what you’re having?!’. I can confirm that whatever you respond here it will be wrong, sorry to be the one to break it to you…

You will at some point in your pregnancy be accosted by some old lady in M&S, or by your third cousin (twice removed) at a family wedding, or by your inlaw’s next door neighbour, and they will need to know the sex of your unborn child.

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Second Trimester Bliss?

Last week I had the sudden (and slightly terrifying) realisation that I’d officially hit my third trimester. After a few deep breaths, an extra ice lolly, and a panicked few hundred pounds of baby paraphernalia on Matt’s credit card I had calmed myself down.

I have since then also realised that I haven’t really posted a pregnancy update since my first trimester whinge. I’m sure this is devastating to all so here you go! The second trimester, why it’s still a bit shit.

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I’m not ok, is that ok?

If you’ve ever been pregnant, looked at a parenting blog, read anything, anywhere about growing and pushing out a baby, or just paid attention to the press surrounding childbirth and postnatal experiences you’ll have heard about postnatal depression (PND) or postpartum depression (PPD). It’s discussed a lot. As it should be! Awareness and understanding are essential for people to feel safe discussing their own experience with mental illness and seek help. There’s been another big push on PND awareness recently, with Chrissy Teigen’s amazing open letter about her experiences (which is incredible and spot on and so honest and everybody really should read it) to the recent surge in reporting of the 1 in 10 statistic. PND is having a moment, a moment I wish had happened before the birth of my daughter, it would have made things much easier and I would have gotten help much sooner than 12 months postpartum.

That statistic, however, is the same during pregnancy. 1 in 10 pregnant women will experience depression during their pregnancy. The same amount of women and yet we’re still not talking about it.

Continue reading “I’m not ok, is that ok?”

My Maternity Body

I’ve spent the morning in floods of tears.
Not because something horrendously bad has happened.
Not because ‘just hormones’.
Because the way my body has changed during pregnancy doesn’t fit society’s norm.

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Child-free and Full of Questions – Child Birth

Next up in this mini-series which mostly involves my friend’s Whatsapping me about poo, we’re talking child birth! It’s one of those things that before you get pregnant you try to avoid thinking about in too much detail, and you’re certainly not going to research, then you get pregnant and you’re supposed to know everything. Do you want an epidural? What’s an episiotomy (we’ll get to it, and sorry in advance)? And most importantly who fishes the shit out of the birth pool?!

I asked my non-pregnant, non-tiny human rearing, Pill-guzzling (especially since these conversations) friends what they want to know about child birth. Warning, this may get graphic…

Continue reading “Child-free and Full of Questions – Child Birth”

Due Date

‘When are you due?’ is probably the question you hear most throughout pregnancy. And understandably so. You use it to gauge what symptoms somebody’s suffering, when they’ll be able to drink wine again, how long you have to plan a baby shower, and some people like to shout a star sign at you. I don’t mind being asked, but I have started answering in a way people aren’t used to.

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Child-free and Full of Questions – Pregnancy

When I shared my post about the first trimester I had a lot of women who hadn’t had children messaging me with comments and questions and ‘oh my god is it really that bad?!’s. I realised that I have a lot of readers who aren’t parents, so I decided to start a new mini series of questions they want to know the answers to – the weirder, grosser, and more intrusive – the better!

First up we’re talking pregnancy!

Continue reading “Child-free and Full of Questions – Pregnancy”

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