Cigarettes and Calpol

Attempting to make sense of parenthood, life, love, and my own mind.



Just Be There

Learning somebody you love has been struggling with their mental health so much that they needed to go on medication is hard. You can feel useless and to blame and question why you’re not enough to keep them off little white pills.

The thing is, right now, this isn’t about you. Right now they need your support. Right now hearing long, emotional speeches about how difficult this is for you is only playing into every single negative thing they’re already thinking about themselves.

Continue reading “Just Be There”


I didn’t know whether to do this post or not, or really where I wanted to go with it. But I do know that the year just passed has held the most changes, the most hardships, and the most wonderful moments of any I can remember (except maybe when I was eight and Geri left the Spice Girls just after I got her bloody doll).
Continue reading “2015”

Party for one

Do me a favour, jump up and turn on E4 quickly. There’s some American sitcom on, right? Might be a good one, probably be a bad one; one thing I can guarantee is that it’s based around a group of friends who are completely inseparable. This is the kind of friendship group we have thrust upon us by every TV show and movie. Sex and the City, Friends, Grey’s Anatomy, Entourage even bloody Tracy Beaker; all of them based around a seemingly unbreakable group of friends.
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Social Media and Mental Health

When dealing with mental health issues, social media is something of a double edged sword. It has its pros, its ways of helping you heal and offer support, but it also comes with a huge array of cons and can often make things worse. I’ve experienced my fair share of both sides of this sword, making my personal relationship continuously switch between love and hate, often within the space of a few days.
Continue reading “Social Media and Mental Health”

An Unbalance of Kindness

I answered the phone the second you called,
And never ignored a text.
The moment you needed me, there I was,
You were always my first thought.
Continue reading “An Unbalance of Kindness”

Mummy’s Feeling Poorly

I’ve learnt to not be ashamed by my struggles with mental health. I’ll talk about them openly and honestly now, it helps me and who knows it might help others. However I rarely talk about how it affects my parenting, how it might affect my daughter.
Continue reading “Mummy’s Feeling Poorly”


‘No really, I feel fine!

God I hate that smug bitch I was two weeks ago. I’d just been asked about coming off anti-depressants. I was fine. It was actually really easy. Sunshine and rainbows and unicorns skipping through meadows and oh fuck no apparently I was wrong…
Continue reading “Unmedicated”

‘Money doesn’t buy happiness’

No. It doesn’t. If anything that statement is just offensive on the grounds you might think I think it does. I have plenty in my life keeping me happy, I’m lucky like that!

But a lack of money? Well that most certainly encourages sadness. Not just sadness; stress, anger, jealousy, panic and even depression. The sight of a bank account with more going out each month than the meager amount going in is a feeling that nobody can be ok with.
Continue reading “‘Money doesn’t buy happiness’”

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