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Cigarettes and Calpol

Attempting to make sense of parenthood, life, love, and my own mind.

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baby

Fear of Breastfeeding

When I had my daughter I was unsure about many aspects of parenting. Would I cosleep? Would I let her cry it out? Would I have any fucking idea of how to do any of it (spoiler – I didn’t)? But one thing I was sure of, without a shadow of a doubt, was that I would breastfeed.

I knew all the benefits – for health, for bonding, for my wallet. Who wouldn’t be sold on that?! And I was sure I wasn’t ‘blessed’ (*slow look to camera*) with these H cups for nothing.

Turns out breastfeeding wasn’t as easy or as blissful as I was sure it would be.

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Mini Babymoon

I’ll admit it, I always thought the idea of a babymoon was a bit wank. I don’t know if it’s the horrendous name, the ultra-smug Binky and JP style photos of a two-week break in Hawaii, or just me being a grumpy cow, but I never thought a babymoon was something I’d get on board with.

Considering I’m always happy to find an excuse to run away for a night or two it does seem a bit stupid that this was one I was willing to ignore. But luckily I had a last minute change of heart and booked us a night away in a beautiful hotel with a pool and an amazing restaurant and boy am I glad I did!

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The Gender Detectives

One of the most common questions you’ll get once you reach a certain stage of pregnancy (after they ask your due date) is ‘do you know what you’re having?!’. I can confirm that whatever you respond here it will be wrong, sorry to be the one to break it to you…

You will at some point in your pregnancy be accosted by some old lady in M&S, or by your third cousin (twice removed) at a family wedding, or by your inlaw’s next door neighbour, and they will need to know the sex of your unborn child.

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How to Survive the First Trimester (ish)

There are women out there who will tell you pregnancy is a beautiful time of blooming and happiness and that they loved every minute of it. I am here to tell you that these women are liars. Or even possibly robots. Pregnancy for me is a continuous flow of shitty problems; pain, vomit, fainting, and massive engorged breasts that look nothing like the perfectly pert models with their fake bumps on the ASOS maternity section. It’s shit and I hate it.

However, for most of us it is the simplest way to get our hands on a tiny squishy baby. So it’s something of a necessity.

The first three months were for me – like so many, many others – hell. Sickness, fainting, constipation, anxiety, zero sex drive, agonisingly painful breasts. This post is a combination of little things that might help others find it a bit easier and a chance to moan about it all to garner some sympathy. Which I think are both important and necessary.

(Note: yes, I’m going to moan about pregnancy in this post, because it’s hard. This doesn’t mean I don’t realise how lucky I am to be having a healthy pregnancy. It doesn’t mean I’m not thrilled to be having another baby. We are more than aware just how hashtag blessed we are, this doesn’t stop it being a crappy experience.)

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Yet Another Guilt Trip

If you’ve been anywhere near Twitter this morning you might have seen Jamie Oliver’s decided on his next campaign. Not happy with ruining my life by taking away Turkey Twizzlers, and now taxing my life source – Lucozade – ol’ Jamie’s now using his voice for something he is undoubtedly an expert in. Breastfeeding.

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The Friends You Find as a Mum

When you have a child, especially if you do it young (what up team teen pregnancy!), you learn a lot about friendships. You learn that a lot of people you considered great friends aren’t so much down for nappy talk run for the hills (vineyards) with never a look back. You also learn a lot about people who are there for you and just how much that means.
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