Cigarettes and Calpol

Attempting to make sense of parenthood, life, love, and my own mind.



World Book Day Defence

Today is World Book Day. A day that for some parents fills them with absolute dread while other’s can’t wait.
I fall somewhere in the middle. I am a big fan of any day designed to get children excited about books. I love seeing my social media filled with smiling faces holding up their favourite book all dressed up as their favourite character. I love seeing what the Tiny Idiot decides to go as, and frantically trying to fabric glue things together. I love seeing what the parents who are actually crafty create.

And then the negative comments come…
People moaning about kids dressed as Disney Princesses, people moaning about kids dressed as superheroes, people moaning about kids dressed as Chase from Paw Patrol.
‘Go as a proper character from a proper book!’ people who didn’t have to get a child in fancy dress at 8am this morning yell, ‘It’s just lazy!’ 

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A Bad Day

Today has been a really shit day.

It’s been one of those days where my child has been an arsehole at every turn and I’ve run out of ways to try and discipline her. It’s been one of those days where I’ve totally questioned my ability to parent and therefore have been sent into a spiral of self-hate and my little ball of anxiety has burst.

Crying on her bedroom floor while trying to change her bedding was probably the lowest point.

It’s one of those days that no Instagram filter could fit and there’s no way of trying to make it look perfect, but also why should I? Why do we feel the need to hide the bits of parenting that hurt and are exhausting and leave you feeling like a shit? It’s the reality. We share everything else so why not this? So I am sharing it, lucky you, you get to read my woes.

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Positively Average

I was never the captain of a sport’s team. I was never top of the class. I was never the popular girl. I’ve never been the best at anything, I’ve always been alright, middle-level, average. It’s something that only bothers me sometimes; when looking at Instagrams that define #SquadGoals or that time I didn’t get the lead in the year six Christmas play (that I still know the lines for). Being average generally means being left behind and feeling a little bit forgotten.

It’s not the memory of this happening to me that bothers me though, it’s the fact that I can already see these attitudes being reflected on my Tiny Idiot.

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Too Small for School?

First day of school.
Daunting, emotional, painful, heart-wrenching, guilt-inducing, exciting, really bloody difficult.

No matter how much people love to mock it, the day your little one first ventures into Big School is hard on children and parents alike. I remember how I felt when I went through it last year and this week thousands of people across the country have had to go through the same pain of letting go of their hand.

The pain, guilt, and trepidation that parents across the country have felt this week are why the latest Clarks campaign has me raging.

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Leopallooza – The Festival You Should Be Attending

When it comes to blogging I am not the most constant. I’m not one of these people who manage to produce a wonderfully written, well thought-out blog three times a week. It’s just not who I am, mostly because when it comes to writing I can only write about something I’m truly passionate about.

This blog is about something I’m really, honestly passionate about.

Leopallooza Festival. 


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Disneyland Paris – my tips

If you follow me on any form of social media you might have picked up on the fact that we were in Disneyland Paris last week? Before we went I trawled hundreds of blogs, reviews, and forums for tips on doing Disney with a Tiny Idiot, however a lot of the tips (and things moaned about) did not match up to our experience at all, so I’ve thrown together my own list of must-dos, must-misses, and must-avoid-at-all-costs!

Plus it’s a great excuse to share some of the photos again.

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You Plus Two

There have been some pretty big changes in my life over the past few months; I found a new nail salon, I realised I can’t drink gin anymore, oh and this guy kinda quit his rockstar lifestyle in London to move to Cornwall and live with me and my idiot child.

Obviously moving in with a partner is always going to involve some big changes, for me I had to learn to sleep on one side of the bed and occasionally wash up midweek. But for Matt, he not only had to put up with my insane demands, he also had to learn to cope with a tiny diva.

We’re not alone in this situation, but it’s also not one that I often see written about. So we had a quick chat (online, we’re in our twenties, we don’t talk in person) about how it feels to suddenly find yourself +2.

Before reading further I think it’s important to know that Matt wanted me to title this post ‘I Threw My Child At My Boyfriend And This Is What He Thinks About It’…
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Thoughts You Have When Away From Your Baby

I am currently half way through a week away from my daughter. I’ve done it before, neither of us are particularly clingy to each other and when I want to run away to London for a week she’s more than happy to have special nanny-time, as the cover photo clearly shows…
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