Cigarettes and Calpol

Attempting to make sense of parenthood, life, love, and my own mind.



Social Media and Mental Health

When dealing with mental health issues, social media is something of a double edged sword. It has its pros, its ways of helping you heal and offer support, but it also comes with a huge array of cons and can often make things worse. I’ve experienced my fair share of both sides of this sword, making my personal relationship continuously switch between love and hate, often within the space of a few days.
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An Unbalance of Kindness

I answered the phone the second you called,
And never ignored a text.
The moment you needed me, there I was,
You were always my first thought.
Continue reading “An Unbalance of Kindness”


Today I had to let go of your hand.
I’ve done it a thousand times before, but this time it was different.
We’ve spent days and nights and weeks apart. We’re good at it. But this time it was different.
Because although you’ve been away from me before for nursery, for pre-school, for weekends with your dad and weeks with your nanny, it’s different.
Continue reading “Today.”

Muscle Memory

People always talk about muscle memory. It’s how you remember how to ride a bike, or drive the same route home every night without really paying attention.

But what about your brain?

Every now and then a certain date comes around and you feel like utter shit. There’s no reason for it, everything is fucking wonderful and yet you just. can’t. shake. that. feeling.
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