Cigarettes and Calpol

Attempting to make sense of parenthood, life, love, and my own mind.



The Guilt of Not Feeling Guilty

Mum Guilt is not a new phenomenon, nor is it one that is being quietly ignored from all corners. Recently there has been a trend of mother’s yelling from every platform about how utterly shite it is that we feel guilty at every turn. Nothing we do is ever enough and the guilt that is felt for that very reason is horrid.

For me there’s been a new reason for Mum Guilt recently though – not feeling guilty…

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Thoughts You Have When Away From Your Baby

I am currently half way through a week away from my daughter. I’ve done it before, neither of us are particularly clingy to each other and when I want to run away to London for a week she’s more than happy to have special nanny-time, as the cover photo clearly shows…
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The Friends You Find as a Mum

When you have a child, especially if you do it young (what up team teen pregnancy!), you learn a lot about friendships. You learn that a lot of people you considered great friends aren’t so much down for nappy talk run for the hills (vineyards) with never a look back. You also learn a lot about people who are there for you and just how much that means.
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Today I had to let go of your hand.
I’ve done it a thousand times before, but this time it was different.
We’ve spent days and nights and weeks apart. We’re good at it. But this time it was different.
Because although you’ve been away from me before for nursery, for pre-school, for weekends with your dad and weeks with your nanny, it’s different.
Continue reading “Today.”

Mummy’s Feeling Poorly

I’ve learnt to not be ashamed by my struggles with mental health. I’ll talk about them openly and honestly now, it helps me and who knows it might help others. However I rarely talk about how it affects my parenting, how it might affect my daughter.
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‘Money doesn’t buy happiness’

No. It doesn’t. If anything that statement is just offensive on the grounds you might think I think it does. I have plenty in my life keeping me happy, I’m lucky like that!

But a lack of money? Well that most certainly encourages sadness. Not just sadness; stress, anger, jealousy, panic and even depression. The sight of a bank account with more going out each month than the meager amount going in is a feeling that nobody can be ok with.
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